I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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