I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
