I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
