You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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