I accidentally had phone sex last night
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
