i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
