I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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