I wish my penis had an off switch
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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