I feel like abortions should bother me more
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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