Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
