Barsexuality is the new black.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
