Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
