Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
