I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
