I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
