This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
