I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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