I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it hurts more in the daytime
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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