We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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