I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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