My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
