um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
