lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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