I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
All I want is dick and wine.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
