She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
