he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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