Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize