your room smells of hookers.
And success
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
