We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
