My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
