I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
