I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
