god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just had sex bonerless
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
