Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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