This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
