Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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