Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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