It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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