There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
