Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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