remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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