the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
