Say something about gay babies.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
