Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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