i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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