hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
