Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
