I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Who died my cat blue again?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
