I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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