i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
