Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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