Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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