chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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