I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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