Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
