You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
