Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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