Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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