I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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