I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize