Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He's a Shit stain on my heart
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Pants are for mortals
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
