I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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