Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
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do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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