She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You made out with two different species that night
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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