Having a random hookup so left but love u
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
