It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
