I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
