Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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